Funny Graduation Quotes from Famous Comedians and Leaders

Whether you’re sending out custom graduation announcements or graduation invitations, adding a funny graduation saying or quote to your card will not only bring a smile to the recipient’s face but also let you showcase your milestone accomplishment in a unique way. Use these funny graduation sayings to set your grad invitations, announcements, and cards apart from the rest.

Blue Graduation Monogram Announcement
Blue Graduation Monogram Announcement

On a side note, beyond funny sayings and wording, there are other ways of adding a humorous touch to your graduation invitation and announcements. You can give your graduation announcements and invites a unique and funny look with photos. Try adding a funny photo of you in college or even a photo of you when you were a kid to your graduation announcements and invitations.

You can add personal photos, custom wording, and your choice of colors, fonts, and embellishments to any graduation invite, announcement, or card template on Explore their site’s stylish collection of graduation invitations and graduation announcements for further inspiration and ideas.

Funny Graduation Sayings and Quotes

Here are some funny graduation sayings and quotes from famous leaders, comedians, and celebrities. Adding them to a card, invite, or announcement will surely bring a giggle or two to the recipient.


To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done.

And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States.

– George W Bush quotes


People will frighten you about a graduation….They use words you don’t hear often…

“And we wish you Godspeed.” It is a warning, Godspeed.

It means you are no longer welcome here at these prices.

– Bill Cosby

Pink Polka Dots Modern Now and Then Graduation Announcement
Modern Now and Then Graduation Announcement

The unfortunate, yet truly exciting thing about your life,

is that there is no core curriculum. The entire place is an elective.

– John Stewart


Just remember, you can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets

– Arnold Schwarzenegger


Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next

and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

– Steven Colbert


And if someone does offer you a job, say yes. You can always quit later.

Then at least you’ll be one of the unemployed as opposed to one of the never-employed.

Nothing looks worse on a resume than nothing.

– Steven Colbert


The best advice I can give anybody about going out into

the world is this: Don’t do it. I have been out there. It is a mess.

– Russell Baker

Orange and Blue Bar Modern Graduation Announcement
Orange and Blue Bar Modern Graduation Announcement


As you leave these gates and re-enter society, one thing is certain.

Everyone out there is going to hate you. Never tell anyone in a roadside diner

that you went to Harvard. In those situations, the correct response to,

‘Where did you go to school?’ is ‘School? I never had much in the way of

book learnin’ and such.’ And then get in your BMW and get the hell out of there.

– Conan O’Brien


A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells

thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns

that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.

– Robert Orben


You’re about to enter into a world filled with hypocrisy and doublespeak,

a world in which your limo to the airport is often a half-hour late.

In addition to not even being a limo at all; oftentimes it’s a Lincoln Town Car.

You’re about to enter a world where you ask your new assistant,

Jamie, to bring you a tall, non-fat latte. And he comes back with a short

soy cappuccino. Guess what, Jamie? You’re fired. Not too hard to get right, my friend.

– Will Farrell

Law School Graduation Navy Law Scales
Law School Graduation Navy Law Scales


So, that’s what I wish for all of you: the bad as well as the good. Fall down, make a mess,

break something occasionally. And remember that the story is never over.

If it’s all right, I’d like to read a little something from just this year:

‘Somehow, Conan O’Brien has transformed himself into the brightest star

in the Late Night firmament. His comedy is the gold standard and Conan

himself is not only the quickest and most inventive wit of his

generation, but quite possible the greatest host ever.’ Ladies and Gentlemen,

Class of 2000, I wrote that this morning, as proof that, when all else fails, there’s always delusion.

– Conan O’Brien




And now, with this diploma in hand, most of you will go on to the noblest of pursuits,

like helping a cable company acquire a telecom company. You will defend BP from birds.

You will spend hours arguing that the well water was contaminated

well before the fracking occurred. One of you will sort out the

details of my prenup, a dozen of you will help me with my acrimonious divorce.

– Mindy Kaling




“Like many of you, I was concerned about going out into the world and doing

something bigger than myself. Until someone smarter than myself

made me realize that there is nothing bigger than myself.

– Jim Carrey

Blue Timeline Graduation Invite


Don’t treat your heart like an action figure wrapped in plastic and never used.

– Amy Poehler


Take your risks now, as you grow older you become more fearful and less flexible

— and I mean that literally. I hurt my knee on the treadmill this week — and it wasn’t even on.

– Amy Poehler


I cannot stress enough that the answer to life’s questions is often in people’s faces.

Try putting your iPhones down once in a while, and look in people’s faces. People’s faces will tell you

amazing things. Like if they are angry, or nauseous, or asleep.

– Amy Poehler

Hopefully you found these funny graduation sayings and quotes inspiring! Add them to the back of your graduation announcements or include them inside of funny graduation invitations. They will bring laughter to the recipient and help you showcase your major landmark in a fun way. Make sure to check our our Funny Graduation Quotes post for more inspiration and ideas. Happy graduation and congrats on this major achievement.

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